37 year old Rhianon Leto (aka lightningbttfly) is a long time lover of
many. Having grown up with family acceptance and involvement in a
"commune" and having been involved in two separate triad relationships
and still forcing herself to committ to a monogomous (failed) marriage,
Rhianon has finally begun to accept her own needs, wants and desires.
Focusing on the communication and honesty necessary to navigate the
shadows and the required humor needed when one begins to explore her
deepest being; Rhianon Leto shares her experiences as she travels the
many paths of self discovery. Come along and join Rhianon as she
explores the whys, whos, wheres and politics of polylife.
Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.
Aisle 2 - Couples
Captive to the unrestrained wind that delivers me to passion...
I had thought that I would never find what I was hoping for. That it just didn’t exist. Then I found the Poly Path. And I found friends and lovers but still not what I was "looking for". Even when I thought I had, I was wrong. So I changed my thinking. I opened up to finding something else, but still something Poly. And then suddenly they were just there. I think they had been all along but I had been looking in the wrong direction.
Everyday I feel as if I were to love anymore I would surely burst, and then he says something or she writes something and my love is amplified and storms through my soul ...
I have found two people that … I flounder for words here … to be cliché, they complete me. We are so alike and so different, where one part doesn’t fit, another does. She and I write, he and I cook, she and I are emotional, and he and I like to make lists. Everyday we discover other things that connect us, one to another to another.
I have loved before but not like this. I have never felt as secure in a relationship or this allowed to be who I am, be what I am and still be loved simply because I am.
These two people understand me. They love me and see me and reassure me that everything is fine and when it’s not, we will get through it together. We talk about our imperfections and laugh about them together. We discuss how to deal with them and even when the “dealing” is a me thing and not a we thing. Everything is ok, everything is doable and stress is just a waste of time. I don’t know where they came from but I am so happy that I have found them.
We know better than to believe that everything is perfect and our lives will be “happily ever after” now that we have found each other. So we discuss what to do and how to do it and when to just walk away for awhile and when it’s best to hold on tight. They have been married for 8 years and they have made it through many things and believe that they have become better people and better to each other because of it.
I am stunned by the things that I feel, the things that I know so suddenly and are so clearly defined to me now. I am only afraid that I will not be able to live up to my end of it all and even if I did I think they would just pick up the slack ... and I am amazed.
She and I began talking, not with the intent to have a relationship, just to exchange information. And a friendship grew. We have a common interest that is important to us both and in talking about this interest we found that we had more in common than we knew. We shared stories about our struggles on the “poly path” and what we were willing to do to find what we needed and wanted. Although I was dating and exploring she took a risk and made a suggestion. I will be forever grateful to her for doing so. And I began talking to her other half and finding as much in common with him as I had with her.
They live in another state, not so far that it’s impossible but far enough that we can’t be together as often as we wish. But even fate is conspiring in bringing us together as he has been offered a job that will bring them to me. And so we make plans…and I can’t imagine that I deserve these two wonderful and amazing people and yet I have them. And they want me too … equally.
He tells me that’s it’s like falling in love with his wife all over again; she tells me that she has a new best friend. And I am so overwhelmed that I love them both so incredibly much and want them both and that it is all that I could imagine … everything. Even the bad is considered and will be overcome because we believe it. And I am not alone on my journey anymore…
There is so much inside that wants to shout to the sky but there are no words that could even whisper loud enough for this truth.
Who would have thought….???
Rhianon Leto (aka lightningbttfly) is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.
Rhianon Leto (aka lightningbttfly) ; May 09, 2007
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