This is my monthly column about our life, life in a triad in general, or whatever rants & raves I feel like talking about at the time.

Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.

New Relationship Energy

New Relationship Energy. We all know what it's that totaly new, head over heels, this is the greatest feeling in the world emotional overload. It's the complete twitterpation of being involved in a brand new relationship and feeling like you're on top of the world. It's the feeling that holding hands with someone while walking down the street makes you the luckiest person alive. It's when looking into someone's eyes is far more important than even breathing.

Every person entering into a new relationship feels this, that's a given. When new relationship energy (NRE) enters into a poly relationship, though, you can't simply focus on that energy entirely. As you progress through your new relationship and revel in the feelings and emotions, don't forget to stop and breath - and pay attention to your other relationships as well. Nothing could be worse for your existing partner(s) than to feel completely ignored as you develop new relationships. Of course, living in a poly lifestyle one would come to expect and hopefully encourage NRE to develop, but that doesn't mean that the other relationships should be put on hold or even on the back burner.

When the wife and I first got together, our NRE bloomed in full force just like any other. Kriek picked up on this (obviously) and had no problems with it. 'Course we were all co-existing while the NRE was still in full force, which made things easier on Kriek. One of the good things about new relationship energy is that it doesn't last forever. Don't get me wrong, I love the feelings and emotions it brings along with it. It does, however, put strain on other folks in your family. Not too mention that if we were to maintain the emotional "high" that this energy produces we would begin to find ourselves becoming emotionally exhausted over time.

I digress though. What I want to address here is how one goes about balancing NRE with the emotional needs of the other members of their family. Like any aspect of any relationship, there's no sure fire way that works for everyone. The only constant here is that NRE will eventually simmer down to the every day level that most of us feel in our relationships. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. As I stated, trying to maintain that level of energy would drain most of us and that's one of the reasons it does fade. The point here is that while you are deep in the heart of your twitterpation, don't forget that other person (or persons) that already have a place in your heart. They too need your love and attention, like they always have. How does one balance this NRE with the existing Consistent Relationship Energy? Good question. This isn't a directive on how to do so, merely some advice that you should pay attention to all the feelings and energies at work here. I'm all for NRE, in fact it's one of my favorite things in a relationship. Just remember to stop and smell the other roses in your vase. It will serve to strengthen all the bonds in your family as time goes on.

~ Chias, June 30, 2005

folks have read this article.