Kristy is one member of a quintet that has been together for over 2 yrs as a group, with the two legally married couples each having over a decade under their belts. She is the resident "mommy" and housewife who enjoys learning and talking about sexuality. She is currently taking several courses online on sexology. She will be writing this column about sex and kink issues and how they effect the poly community. When not talking or writing about her favorite subject she draws, paints, sews and designs clothing and textile art.
Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.
War on Sex
I have come to realize that after "The war on Terror." "The war on Drugs", the government has now declared "War on Sex". In the past year this war has included not giving funds to any state that does not teach an abstinence only program, all the things going on locally for me including sex oriented businesses being closed and the cries for getting rid of pornography, add the gay marriage debate and you have a nation screaming to just have sex the way they want to and to conduct their relationships without censorship. Most states have unfortunately gone along with this "War" by accepting government monies to blatantly lie to our children they use sexist propaganda that should have been thrown out by any sane adult but is being force-fed to our children as fact. Unfortunately the government and very vocal religious right-wingers still feel like they can legislate morality and that they have a right to be informed of our sexual activities in our bedrooms. Interestingly enough, these are the same organizations filling up the front pages with sex scandals lately.
Still not convinced we are at war, then take for example these "truths" being touted in abstinence-only sex education:"In heterosexual sex, condoms fail to prevent HIV approximately 31% of the time" Touching another person's genitals "can result in pregnancy." "The popular claim that condoms help prevent the spread of STDs, is not supported by the data." "Women gauge their happiness and judge their success by their relationships. Men's happiness and success hinge on their accomplishments." "Couples who use condoms to avoid a pregnancy have a failure rate of 15%." "Following abortion, according to some studies, women are more prone to suicide." Personal problems "can be eliminated by being abstinent until marriage." At first when I read these little "facts" I was going to try and refute them, then I realized I don't have to, not here where most of my readers are much better informed on safer sex issues than the average person. Not to mention when I waded through the information most of which reads like oatmeal I realized that for the most part the abby-only crowd that I would like to reach is probably not going to read this any way. The scarcest thing about this type of education is that it is not working, in fact it is having the very opposite effect then I assume they want on a lot of the kids that message reaches. Some of the data suggests that instead of actually abstaining from sex our teens are just ignoring their sexual activity, hiding it or finding ways to be sexually active but not have intercourse. Teens in these schools are just as likely to have an STD and are less likely to know it or get tested regularly. They are less likely to use condoms for their first experience and are way more likely to have anal and oral sex then their peers who are fully informed but chose abstinence anyway. Yet they still plug away trying to stop teen sex even if the data says it does not work. I have to give them credit for being persistent even in the face of their own misjudgments. These findings make a lot of sense to those of us who have raised teens, if they don't want to face something or admit to something they will ignore it's existence until something happens and it blows up into a mess of nightmarish proportions. If you don't have teens try and think back to all the things you hid from your parents and even your friends.
In my own home town they are cracking down on adult businesses. Strip clubs have been shut down by paperwork errors and such, nude male dance troops were arrested for simulating sex acts by thrusting their pelvises, lingerie shop girls were arrested for having more than 6 adult toys in the shop and the list goes on. The city council says "We are not targeting adult-oriented businesses" I must call bullshit. If it had been any one of these things I might have bought that they weren't targeting but after this has all gone on in a period of about 3 months. I am having misgivings on the validity of their statements. I will go as far as saying "Liar,Liar pants on fire". This is one of the main reasons my family had decided to relocate. It will not be long before they turn their eyes towards the quiet little poly family. In fact just living together in that town was a crime. They have a law that states "no more than 2 unrelated people can live together in a single family home". So it was just a matter of time until the "uptight conservative" axe swung our way. So we moved to Austin where the sexual climate is much more open and being different is not as threatening to people.
In other places people are facing the same type of shunning and censorship but we are all afraid to stand up for our right to privacy and sexuality. I find it very telling that as the American institution of marriage and it's sexual practices are becoming more open, honest, and different and just when studies show the average American is playing and experimenting more in their sex life by using toys and expanding the sensations with forays into the world of BDSM. That it is at this moment our nation becomes the most vocal about censoring sex and at the same time we find that often those who are most vocal in their opposition are the ones that have been experimenting and enjoying the most. It is almost like we have found freedom but we would prefer it if our neighbors don't. That doesn't sound like the kind of democracy I signed up for. It does bring up a question though "If the "Larry Craigs" of our country would have had proper sex education and were brought up to understand that sex is a natural and healthy thing, would they still be having sex in shame and dread, while trying to tell the rest of us, we can't.
I hope you will join me next month when I will give you thrilling insights into the sexual world of poly no one tells you about.
Kristy is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.
Kristy ; October 10, 2007
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