Truetalk has been writing since he was a teen, and only in the last five or so years has he taken himself seriously as a writer. He lives in the Vancouver area of BC, Canada, where he has lived for most of his life. He finished his degree in psychology at Simon Fraser University in ’95 when he started his counseling practice for individuals and couples. He recently completed his PhD in psychology and philosophy at University of Life in Black Rock City. His counseling practice though broad in a practical sense, is specialized in alternative relationships, including the various forms of polyamoury, polyfidelity, or what ever other poly-like relationship you may be working on. He has studied the human psyche for almost his entire life, and has a thorough understanding of consciousness, human psychology, and our current social structure and how we as individuals or groups function and dysfunction within our culture and general social milieu. He would love to hear any feedback from the readers of this community, answer questions or even take requests or topics to write about.

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The many faces of love

There does seem to be this kind of love, it is beautiful in its full passionate expression that can be compared with nothing, but also with pain. Every time we see stories or hear stories about love that is undeniable, steadfast and true, then we tend to want to call this true love. This love does exist, we have seen it, it is talked about in all of humanities lore, stories, poems, epistles and movies. This love gives its all, but is also given it all, there is a wonderful exchange of energy that is called love to such a powerful depth, that it seems to complete the people involved. This kind of love is mostly with two people giving to each other of themselves. I believe that when anyone sees this kind of behaviour, this love and devotion, this giving of oneself, that we can not help but feel warmth and softness in our hearts. There is a swelling, not physical though, but still somehow you feel this growing or expanding in the chest and throat area, and you become… filled with emotion.

There is a difference between feeling this kind of love and having it, because the possibility of feeling this love is almost always there, while the possibility of having true love is not. I think that is because you can give your love fully, freely, devotedly and completely, but if it is not returned, then there is no having true love. This is a huge sacrifice. There are only a certain few and specific circumstances which warrant such sacrifice for the sake of love. We have seen these all in the writings and musing of man, so I am not writing about anything new. I feel though that there is something original being said here, and that is that since true love is not all that common, and I almost got into why, but will not just now, but love abounds, we all must or mostly be experiencing some lesser form of love. This love that we all feel on a daily and weekly and yearly basis is not the same as true love, just as the love for our kids or siblings is different than the love for your intimate partners.

I say that this other love is different, and it can look different too. We try to shape it into what we believe true love to be: two people giving fully of themselves to each other, no others, just them against the world, and nothing can take them apart, not even death. We have, as a culture, tried to recreate this image of love in our monogamous and matrimonious control over love. Polyamory is an answer to this century long attempt to fit a round peg into a diamond hole. When people who call themselves poly are asked why they are, there is often this feeling identified that told them that they just could not be monogamous. It just did not feel right, I myself have said something like that. This enigmatic and mysterious understanding is now revealed in this realization. I now see that since we do not for the most part live a true love kind of love, we should not try to emulate its energy, but instead realize that the love you feel is not true love. This does not make it any less, only different, it looks different than true love, it feels different than true love, and you act different when in true love. I want to call it something in the positive, but I don’t know what to call it. I thought of names like, universal, earthly, worldly, common, or brotherly love, but was not sure that those would capture the fact that there is passion and intimacy in this other love. What I really want to say is that we need not live love that is not true love as though it is true love. What this means is that polyamory is okay.

It is more than okay too, it is what is right, really lets put our minds to it and see if that does not make sense. Our relationships are suffering from this sense of failure, but these are not failures in love because love until death is rare and usually tragic. We are finding that we tend to be always or lots anyways, looking for more, others and new partners. This is still love, these are our expressions of love and they need not be shunned as bad, and destructive if we did not see it as ending the love we already feel for someone else. Also this tendency to interpret love as needing to live together, this also seems a bit extreme of interpretation in the way to live while loving universally. I may be exaggerating this idea a bit, but that is only because it is easier to see—yes this does exist on some kind of continuum of expression and force. It seems as though we are living an illusion when we try to live love as though it is the true love of fairy tales; where as in polyamorous relationships there is an acceptance of this reality, and love is for that reason more open to expression and experience. Maybe some might even say it is to help make up for the loss of this true love that humans seem to be capable of, yet so few actually have, but … maybe not too.

Truetalk is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. He can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.

Truetalk ; January 15, 2007


folks have read this article.