I am a third in a Female, male, female Vee triad that is just starting down the road of Polyamory. My boyfriend and wife have been married for 6 years and we are all working towards moving in together in a few months. All of us are very involved in the LARPing (Live action role play) community in our area, and we also table top game whenever we can. I very much love singing, fantasy literature, and almost anything anime. I hope that I can give a happy view of a life I never dreamed of but always wanted in my heart.

Previous editions of this column can be found in the Monthly Columns Archives.

Poly Steps

Wow! Itís been 18 months since I last had my column and so much has changed since then. In May of 2008, Tom, Lynne, and I moved into our own apartment, away from her parents. Itís a lovely duplex with 3 bedrooms, one and a half baths, a nice big basement, and of course, a living room and kitchen.

I have never in my life had my own room; I have a twin sister and I shared a room with her until the day I moved out to be with my boyfriend. So this was the first time I had a room to myself, I got to choose how to decorate and set it up. It was such a freeing feeling getting my own space to mess up or keep clean as I pleased. I also have input on how the rest of the apartment should look - this place is truly all of ours. Not a week after we moved in Lynne offered to give me another night with Tom, putting me up to two nights a week.

Living together has taken some getting used to; all of us have different ideas of how things should be done. The first couple of months we did a lot of adjusting chores to fit what each person liked to do. We also had to get used to how each of our needs for attention and space worked. When Tom and Lynne fight they like to be left alone, the can go hours or days without talking to each other. I on the other hand canít do that. I have to fix the problem immediately otherwise I start to feel sick and anxious. With a few lost tempers and apologize we have pretty much got that figured out.

One small issue we had to work out was our rooms being right next to each other. One day Lynne seemed mad and agitated and Tom and I could not figure out why. After a great deal of badgering Lynne finally told us that she had heard us having sex one night and it had upset her. She was still under the impression that Tom and I where not having sex. In the beginning of the relationship we told

Lynne that we would stop having sex for a time because of the cheating. We wanted to wait until she was comfortable before we throw that into the mix but once we got regular nights we assumed that she understood that it would be happening. We had been sleeping together for at least one night a week since December of 2007 and after a good waiting period we did resume having sex. We were both very surprised. So after a bit more talk and understanding that both parties had not communicated well enough we got over that little snafu as well.

The holidays were lovely; a little rushed and hectic trying to spend time with all the families, but lovely none the less. We had a cute little tree with all of our Christmas ordainments and we spent Christmas morning together just relaxing with one another. In January, Tom and I decided that we where ready to start trying for a baby, after talking to Lynne to make sure she was still ok with it, we have gone forward with our efforts. Sadly, because of annoying medical issues I have itís going to take some time and possible doctor interaction before a baby is truly in the picture. The decision to have a baby also brought about the decision to tell Tomís parents as we did not want to wait until I was pregnant to let them know about our relationship.

Tom is very nervous about telling his parents so we decided that he was going to tell his sister first and get her help telling his family. In May of this year he made a dinner date with her to give her the big news, but she canceled and due to her graduating from collage and planning for her wedding in October, we have not been able to reschedule. Now we have to decide if we are going to wait until she is free or just bite the bullet and tell his parents. I truly want to get the news out of the way so that we can move on with our lives and not worry about it anymore.

Last but not least, we have decided on a date for Tom and my Commitment Ceremony in March of 2010. Itís a good date not close to any holidays, birthdays or anniversaries so we donít have to worry about stepping on anyone elseís toes. Both Tom and I are nervous about this because we really want to make sure that Lynne is comfortable, she has still not decided if she actually wants to be part of the ceremony or have it just Tom and I. I want her to be a part of it, even if itís just a small part. Itís important to me that she is included, but we will have to wait to see how she feels.

In general we are truly starting to work as a family and that makes me very very happy. We have a lot of bumps and twists down the road but I think that we can weather it if we stay together and continue to communicate. These last 18 months have made me happy. I decided to take this path. Poly is not an easy road but I have never been as happy as I am now.

Catanya is a contributing writer as well as a member of this online Community. She can be contacted here or through our message board Forums.

Catanya ; July, 2009

Ed Note, Written in July of 2009 published on October 26 2009.


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