| Danny R | 07-24-2007 03:30 [E,W] | | I know from my own experience that I am most posessive with my partner when I'm feeling worthless myself. He has a wandering eye, so do I, and when I love and respect myself I have no problems with his crushes on other people, and can actually enjoy his sharing those attractions with me. But when I feel unlovable, that's when I get nervous about our relationship, that's when I try to restrict or limit his sexual expression, not out of morality, spite or a desire to make him unhappy, but simply out of my yearning to feel good about myself. The funny thing is, he doesn't have the power to make me feel better about myself, though he's an excellent communicator and a wonderful friend and supporter. That power comes from me, and me only. I may be generalising here, but I firmly believe that jealousy comes from a childish part of ourselves, a part that takes no responsibility for our own well-being and expects someone else to be at our beck and call, caring for us and fixing everything for us, being there only to meet our own wants and needs. | | tom paine | 04-20-2007 14:57 [E,W] | | I think you can just as easily turn this telescope around the other way and see things in a different perspective. Some couples WANT to spend as much time together as possible. And to the point about how people would practice polyamory if they knew about it, well, that\'s totaly bullsh*t and we all know it, because polyamory isn\'t something discovered last week. Polys often annoy monos with their glib \"you\'d like it if you tried it\" credo. Gays sometimes say the same things (\"having another man ...... is the best because he knows what you like\"). It just doesn\'t work that way, and getting mono culture to accept polyamory isn\'t going to be helped by idiotic statements like that. | | michele | 03-08-2007 15:39 [E,W] | "Do some people actually place such a low value on their own self worth that they feel the need to track their partners every move?"
Yeah. The thing is, someone has to feel worthy - of time, of energy, of attention - to let themselves be happy in any relationship, monogamous or otherwise. Much as you say polyamory isn't the way to solve cheating (and boy howdy, do I agree there!), I don't think it's the way to solve feelings of self-worth. Feeling that you deserve the people and love in your life makes functional polyamory possible, not the other way around. |
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